Some Advice. And perhaps a bit of a rant.

Sometimes people don't realize it, but they say some really really hurtful things. It's not on purpose and I doubt they even realize it... I usually don't say anything, but I've started to speak up. Most people know someone or someone who knows someone who has had cancer... and sometimes this person has beaten it and sometimes they haven't. But, here's one piece of advice to folks: Don't ever tell me that your person had the will to live or some fabulous support team that aided your person's survival.

Those words, to me, are telling me that my dad didn't want to live or that he somehow had less will to live than your person. Those words tell me that my dad somehow didn't have enough support or love. And it's hurtful and it makes me angry to tell the truth. My dad wanted to live. My dad didn't want to leave us! It wasn't his choice and he never gave up. He fought for as long and as hard as he could... but no matter how much heart, fight or will you might have, sometimes it doesn't matter. My dad didn't want to die and he didn't give up! And when someone says that so and so just had this remarkable will to live, it implies that my dad didn't.

And when someone says so and so had a fabulous support team and that's how they beat this stupid cancer... it implies that my dad didn't. It implies that mom, me, my aunt, my brother, other family members, friends, church members, etc were not supportive enough. I hate to tell you, but my dad had amazing people who were there through it all and are still there for my mom. My parents are super involved in the church. The church couldn't be more supportive or fabulous both during and now for my mom... meals, prayers, love... My dad's ball jar community all sent their love and support and prayers... The Ball State University President and fellow folks sent loads of cards, flowers, and even some art work from the kids at the elementary school my dad attended as a kid - a school connected to BSU... The caringbridge folks all left thousands upon thousands of messages and good wishes. Dad had visitors when he felt up to it... more support. Even his work couldn't have been more supportive... his boss and boss' boss came for a surprise 'retirement/thank you' party - all the way from PA! And he had us. Mom, me, my brother... and his sister Ellen who came to stay so often and help however she could. We were there: fixing meals, giving meds, supporting, loving, and praying that my dad would be one of the lucky ones to get a reprieve from stupid cancer.

But he wasn't one of the lucky ones. And it was only 6 months. But please... don't tell me that if only his will power or his support was stronger that he could have lived longer or beaten this. That's what you are saying when you tell me that so and so was able to survive b/c of their strong will and support... And that's why it hurts so much to hear those words.