the visit. part 2 of culver connection.

ok, due to the demands of my readers (you know, the both of you!) i've updated the story... if you have not read the previous post, read that first and then this one.

so the visit. this takes place june 13th-14th: here are the details of what happened with tyler's visit (i've edited an email that i sent to sarah so if it sounds more like an email than a narrative, that's why):


friday - he got to my place around 9ish and he came in the door and gave me a hug and kiss which was kinda awkward but ok for me although i could tell right away that he smoked. such a let down... you know me and smoking... so gross to me. can't stand the smell. so i was bummed that he was a smoker. we decided to go get some dinner but he gave me basically no direction and i'd eaten a late lunch so i wasn't so hungry. eventually i got him to tell me someplace where we could get a beer. ok. so we went off in the direction of wrigleyville. i didn't have a specific place in mind, but ended up going to vines since it was nice outside and i knew we'd be able to either eat outside or near one of the open windows. it wasn't very crowded which was weird b/c it's usually really busy, but whatever. vines tends to be a slightly older crowd - in terms of late 20s/early 30s as opposed to most of the area bars are mostly early/mid 20s. it was a nice dinner, but slightly awkward for me and he ended up paying. he was being fairly quiet and you know me, i'll can do my part of the convo and talk to a wall, but i need something to go off of too! i don't want to do all of the talking! but i just felt like it wasn't easy flowing convo at that point. dinner was fine, but i knew there were just no sparks in that way for me... we went back to my place and hung out on my deck for a bit and then went to bed. he stayed with me and we kissed for a bit and then fell asleep.

sat: we slept in pretty late, then decided to go for brunch. again, no preference. so, i decided we'd go to clark's which is a dinner just down the street since it was rainy and cold out and not a day to eat outside. so we went to clark's and it was nice and he let me pay. just nice. then i needed to get a shower card for that night so we walked over to a store not far from my place where i knew i'd probably find something. and then we had to go and move his car. he'd not been able to find parking so he was at the meter and that was getting to be a lot of quarters plus it was just a pain in the ass. we ran up to my house to get his keys - and by the time we came back down to his car, there was a ticket. it wasn't my fault, but i still felt bad since it was 50 bucks! so we got in his car - a ginormous beast - it was his mom's old car - a grand marquis and holy moly, that thing was huge so finding a spot was definitely not an easy task. but, eventually we found a spot where he could park for free and not worry about getting a ticket. i could tell he smoked a lot b/c his whole car was smokey. after parking, we only had a couple hours until i had to get ready and go to matt and elizabeth's shower so we just hung out at my house and talked. i had previously thought we'd go to a street fair or something, but it was rainy and yucky and it didn't seem like something that would be of interest to him. and then it was time for me to shower and get ready. he came to hang out with me while i got ready, which was fine but i could feel his eyes on me the entire time and i wasn't uncomfortable, but i wasn't entirely comfortable either. so then i left and i still had no idea what to expect from the wedding shower or where/when to tell him to meet up with us so i just told him as soon as i knew, i'd text him. got in the cab and headed off (a few mins later than i'd wanted...so typical) and then just as i was about to get there (about 15 mins from my house) i realized i'd forgotten my wallet when i changed purses. oh shit!!!! shit shit shit!! so i had to have the cab take me all the way home and then all the way back to the party. 35 bucks later (dammit) i was at the shower. which was a BLAST! but you'll have to read my other blog post to hear about that one :) eventually i was told to have him come meet us there for a drink and then we'd move on to another bar. so he came to meet us. as he got there, someone was buying the whole party (maybe 10ish?) shots (uh oh!) and they even got tyler one which was sweet. then the bartender bought the whole group a shot. then we left there and went to the next bar. at the next bar, we had drinks (which i paid for) and more drinks. then i was starving on the way home and we went back to the diner for grilled cheese (which i also paid for). then it was time to pass out. i had started to get cab sick on the way home, and i still didn't feel fantastic...way too much booze!! so we passed out and slept in.

us at the shower:



sun: i had no idea what his plan was, but i knew he had a 5 hour drive + 1 hr time change. i was rather hungover and sleepy. he asked if i wanted to take a shower with him, but i told him no shower - conveniently i was just too hungover to handle a shower at that point. i didn't want to lead him on. i had so much fun the night before and i did have a fun weekend, but i knew it just wasn't there for me. so he got ready and then left...without us talking about us... and then i went out on my deck for some sun and to just stare in to space and get over my hangover. and i got a text "i had a great time. but got the feeling that 12 years was too long to wait and things are different now. am i wrong?" to which i said "i had fun too....but in all honesty...yeah...it probably was too long to wait...." and then "was hoping that wouldnt be the answer, but...just want you to know that i didn't come up for a booty call. had to see if there was still a chance at something" me: i know....and i wish it weren't the answer too....but...and im glad you came - it was definitely worth the chance! otherwise we'd have never known.... him: :true. i'd make the drive in a heartbeat if your answer ever changes ;) "
me: you are awesome :) him: so are you katherine. hope you find someone who appreciates just how fn amazing you are.

which those texts just made me feel so bad that it just wasn't there for me. and then that last one.... that last one made me cry! and it made me cry last night when i was telling dev (at nicole's bye bye dinner)! just so sweet. so so sweet.

then yest, i got a call from him while i was at the old town street fair with alice, but i didnt hear the phone and then didn't have time to call back as i had to go to nicole's dinner so i just texted him with im at a st fair and can't talk now. then while i was at dinner with dev he called me again. so i texted him that i was at dinner for nicole and that i'd talk to him tomorrow. not quite true as i was on my way home, but i just was tired and wanted to go home and relax. and literally, as i write this to you, he sent me a text with a pic of his house (he's been renovating a place and updating me on it). so i responded and then he called me. i'm at starbucks, but i had to answer b/c he knew i was near the phone since i texted. so awkward small talk then... so what was it - distance, just not there.... to which i said i can't talk about that right now, i'm at starbucks. let me call you in a bit and we can talk. i really really really dont want to have this conversation. it's just not a fun one. and then i have my gym class tonight so i'll leave here in a bit and then use that as my excuse to get off the phone.

so ultimately.... it really just wasn't there. like dev said last night: she pictures me with someone outgoing, that likes to take charge and make plans and go out and do things. and she's right. but i also like to be laid back too. i need someone who'll drink beers with me at a dive bar and fine wine at a lovely dinner. who understands my shoe and handbag obsession. and it isn't about the money - that's not why i pointed it out above, but i'm not used to guys just letting me pay. i know he's renovating and just bought a place, but i'm unemployed! i know my house and my stuff looks like i'm made of money...but i'm not ... i used to be.... and my parents are... but that's my parents, not mine. (btw, we think we have a buyer for the 3rd and final property!!!!) but i also felt like he was not the nice dinner and wine type. and i want someone who i can talk to for hours on end and have it seem like no time has passed. i really wanted something to be there, but it wasn't and i can't make there be.

*as an update to this, we did end up having that uncomfortable talk... and it was uncomfy but i guess it had to be done. so i told him how i felt was that he was more of that dreaded friend word... and we agreed to be friends and that was cool. i've talked to him occasionally since then and we've text. i'm cool with that. he's a great guy... just not a great guy for me...